Remember that frustration you have felt when you know you should have gotten something that you missed out on? How that frustrating builds to a strange, helpless rage as your goal or prize continues to else you?
The you start to get angry at yourself and doubt yourself, wondering if you are doing something wrong or if there is something wrong with you. You know you are unpleasant to be around like this so you can't seek help or comfort from friends or family.
It might have been understanding something in school, being unable to break through a barrier in a physical activity and see the results you want like weight loss. It might even be as simple as a video game, trying to play the same part over and over again and following all the instructions and guides and still failing.
For me it's sleep. I lie here awake hour after hour, night after night, year after year for over a decade now. And then when I do get to sleep if I wake at any point I suddenly find myself locked out, unable to return to that wonderful world of dreams. Most nights I'm resigned to my fate, the constant exhaustion is just a backdrop to my days. Other nights while I lie here pointedly awake or on the cusp of sleep, not quite actually there, I start to think about myself. Wondering what I'm doing wrong so that I can't perform this simple task that all humans and indeed every animal on the planet has evolved to do.
Anyone else had the same or similar experiences? It might be getting to me just a little.
Friday, 16 October 2015
Sunday, 12 April 2015
The Making Of Love
Good Evening Reader.
A late Sunday night post for me today but after a riveting discussion with a friend I felt I should post some of the ideas and thoughts that were thrown around. Specifically we were talking about people's ideals and values so naturally that subject "love" came up.
Now I've always been one of those cynics who says there is no such thing as "true love" or "love at first sight" or all that mumbo jumbo. I'm a man of logic and reason and such trivialities have no place in my ice-clad heart. But I must concede that love is clearly a very important part of humanity and it's here to stay. However there is a certain level of irritation whenever I hear things like "I want to find my one true love" and similar phrases. It may come across as condescending or arrogant of me to comment on such things when I haven't got much interest in relationships myself but to me love is not something you find. It's something you make through learning about and understanding another person in an intimate way and valuing and respecting them.
The next time I find myself in a relationship I'll give it a try and let you all know how it goes.
A late Sunday night post for me today but after a riveting discussion with a friend I felt I should post some of the ideas and thoughts that were thrown around. Specifically we were talking about people's ideals and values so naturally that subject "love" came up.
Now I've always been one of those cynics who says there is no such thing as "true love" or "love at first sight" or all that mumbo jumbo. I'm a man of logic and reason and such trivialities have no place in my ice-clad heart. But I must concede that love is clearly a very important part of humanity and it's here to stay. However there is a certain level of irritation whenever I hear things like "I want to find my one true love" and similar phrases. It may come across as condescending or arrogant of me to comment on such things when I haven't got much interest in relationships myself but to me love is not something you find. It's something you make through learning about and understanding another person in an intimate way and valuing and respecting them.
The next time I find myself in a relationship I'll give it a try and let you all know how it goes.
Friday, 27 March 2015
A Bit Of Humor
Slightly different post to usual here. On an impulse I came up with a joke and turned it into what the kids call a bitstrip. Enjoy:
http://bitstrips.com/r/JTDCZ
http://bitstrips.com/r/JTDCZ
Positivism
Good Afternoon Reader,
I've been doing quite a bit of thinking about positivist and happiness today. Yesterday I found myself in exceptionally high spirits and it's the weekend now and things are looking up.
One thing that has been a consistent source of good moods for my throughout my life is the weather. I remember as a young lad of 11 or so playing soccer at school one day when it was particularly cold. I remember it well because during half time I stopped and thought to myself "this is great, I'm running around but because it's so cold and there's a strong wind I don't feel hot at all". This was the first time in my life that I realised that I love cold weather and I just can't stand heat. When it's cold I feel like a better person, I am less stressed, I can exercise more and I can focus more intently. I understand other people have similar reactions to heat and sometimes I wonder why people can have such a specific reaction to something so mundane as the weather changing.
I hope everyone is enjoying their weekend as much as I am. Stay frosty.
I've been doing quite a bit of thinking about positivist and happiness today. Yesterday I found myself in exceptionally high spirits and it's the weekend now and things are looking up.
One thing that has been a consistent source of good moods for my throughout my life is the weather. I remember as a young lad of 11 or so playing soccer at school one day when it was particularly cold. I remember it well because during half time I stopped and thought to myself "this is great, I'm running around but because it's so cold and there's a strong wind I don't feel hot at all". This was the first time in my life that I realised that I love cold weather and I just can't stand heat. When it's cold I feel like a better person, I am less stressed, I can exercise more and I can focus more intently. I understand other people have similar reactions to heat and sometimes I wonder why people can have such a specific reaction to something so mundane as the weather changing.
I hope everyone is enjoying their weekend as much as I am. Stay frosty.
Wednesday, 25 March 2015
Blame And Where It Belongs
Good Afternoon Reader,
Alrighty so I've been hearing a lot of talk about the cause of problems. People blame belief systems, ideologies, religions, political views, economic forces, the Sith and just about everything else they can think of. I would like to note that today I'm specifically talking about broader and general matters, not individual personal matters which are a completely different thing (it's fine to blame the Sith if you have a terrible illness or your house blew down and fell on your cat).
However all too often I read and hear things such as "big evil corporations have ruined the nation and we are all paying for it while they get richer" or "socialist commies are destroying the fabric of society because they thing they are entitled to my hard earned money". Many of these arguments do contain useful information and make valid points. What I never hear though is about the reality of our lives. You can organise people in any way you like be it through socialism or capitalism, libertarianism or authoritarianism but these changes do organisation are not changes to the people. Whether your society is divided into companies or governments the same people with the same skills and the same beliefs are still the ones making the society function. If all governments were disbanded tomorrow all those horrible corrupt politicians would seek jobs in companies that befit their skills and given they clearly know how to get to the top chances are they would just end up in similar positions still looking after their own interests regardless of the outcome for everyone else. Likewise if we gather our torches and pitchforks and tear down Big Industry and turn the world into a socialist paradise all those executives and CEOs with their fancy degrees and millionaire's clubs would find positions in the new system that enable them to pursue their own interests.
To drill down to the point of my thoughts today; we need to cut this ridiculous belief that the wrong system is ruining mankind and the right system would immediately give us some grand paradise where everyone is happy and start recognising that we are our issue. If people would really like to see changes for the better that starts with rational people saying "There is no arbitrary system or idea making my life bad. Like those people who seem to have more than me if I just work hard and take opportunities to better myself my life will be better."
Like the rest of you my motivation towards such ideals waxes and wanes but it's my opinion that there is a cycle of blame that needs to be broken and that starts with forgetting who has done what and just doing what you can.
Alrighty so I've been hearing a lot of talk about the cause of problems. People blame belief systems, ideologies, religions, political views, economic forces, the Sith and just about everything else they can think of. I would like to note that today I'm specifically talking about broader and general matters, not individual personal matters which are a completely different thing (it's fine to blame the Sith if you have a terrible illness or your house blew down and fell on your cat).
However all too often I read and hear things such as "big evil corporations have ruined the nation and we are all paying for it while they get richer" or "socialist commies are destroying the fabric of society because they thing they are entitled to my hard earned money". Many of these arguments do contain useful information and make valid points. What I never hear though is about the reality of our lives. You can organise people in any way you like be it through socialism or capitalism, libertarianism or authoritarianism but these changes do organisation are not changes to the people. Whether your society is divided into companies or governments the same people with the same skills and the same beliefs are still the ones making the society function. If all governments were disbanded tomorrow all those horrible corrupt politicians would seek jobs in companies that befit their skills and given they clearly know how to get to the top chances are they would just end up in similar positions still looking after their own interests regardless of the outcome for everyone else. Likewise if we gather our torches and pitchforks and tear down Big Industry and turn the world into a socialist paradise all those executives and CEOs with their fancy degrees and millionaire's clubs would find positions in the new system that enable them to pursue their own interests.
To drill down to the point of my thoughts today; we need to cut this ridiculous belief that the wrong system is ruining mankind and the right system would immediately give us some grand paradise where everyone is happy and start recognising that we are our issue. If people would really like to see changes for the better that starts with rational people saying "There is no arbitrary system or idea making my life bad. Like those people who seem to have more than me if I just work hard and take opportunities to better myself my life will be better."
Like the rest of you my motivation towards such ideals waxes and wanes but it's my opinion that there is a cycle of blame that needs to be broken and that starts with forgetting who has done what and just doing what you can.
Tuesday, 24 March 2015
Strength of Character
Hello Again Reader,
Busy day for me today. In addition to my thoughts on the nature of capitalism I've also been wanting to write something about an are that I've often been drawn to for many years now. I first started pondering this after hearing a great quote:
"The measure of a man's character is what he would do if he knew he never would be found out",
Baron Thomas Babington Macaulay, British MP.
Ever since hearing this revelatory quote as a teenager it's often been at the forefront of my mind. Influencing the way I have conducted myself (Of course like any human I have strayed from this path from time to time).
But as a young person it's difficult to understand the reason to act in a respectable manner when no one else is around. Having only recently been through the agonies of adolescence myself I recall many times wonder what the purpose of social protocol was and enjoying the sweet taste of breaking such protocols when I was alone. This quote helped me to gain an understanding that I'm never truly alone. Even when there is no one else around to scrutinise and judge me I am still there to scrutinise and judge myself. No matter what I do I will always evaluate and judge my own actions (like most people to a level that would be considered obsession in any other way) and I have to live with those judgements and assessments of who I really am.
These days you can hardly open a newspaper or check a news site without hearing about some public figure, politician or celebrity, committing some terrible indiscretion or having a "lapse of judgement". Hearing this constant flow of evidence that famous and powerful people can make a person wonder what the point of doing the right thing is when so many at the top clearly aren't concerned. For me though I'll always remember that I don't have to live with anyone at all except for myself.
Busy day for me today. In addition to my thoughts on the nature of capitalism I've also been wanting to write something about an are that I've often been drawn to for many years now. I first started pondering this after hearing a great quote:
"The measure of a man's character is what he would do if he knew he never would be found out",
Baron Thomas Babington Macaulay, British MP.
Ever since hearing this revelatory quote as a teenager it's often been at the forefront of my mind. Influencing the way I have conducted myself (Of course like any human I have strayed from this path from time to time).
But as a young person it's difficult to understand the reason to act in a respectable manner when no one else is around. Having only recently been through the agonies of adolescence myself I recall many times wonder what the purpose of social protocol was and enjoying the sweet taste of breaking such protocols when I was alone. This quote helped me to gain an understanding that I'm never truly alone. Even when there is no one else around to scrutinise and judge me I am still there to scrutinise and judge myself. No matter what I do I will always evaluate and judge my own actions (like most people to a level that would be considered obsession in any other way) and I have to live with those judgements and assessments of who I really am.
These days you can hardly open a newspaper or check a news site without hearing about some public figure, politician or celebrity, committing some terrible indiscretion or having a "lapse of judgement". Hearing this constant flow of evidence that famous and powerful people can make a person wonder what the point of doing the right thing is when so many at the top clearly aren't concerned. For me though I'll always remember that I don't have to live with anyone at all except for myself.
Capitalism: The End Of The Race
Good Morning Reader,
Capitalism was a genius idea. At it's core you harness people's nature to compete and excel and by allowing them to compete you ensure a high level of productivity. It encourages high levels of economic growth, satisfaction for people who work hard and reward for people who innovate.
To allow capitalism to flourish requires a free market. Unfettered by government or irrational intervention. The problem with these kinds of intervention is that they restrict capitalism and run the risk of destroying the reward of capitalism; if you innovate and work hard you might still get nothing and then people lose faith in capitalism and the whole system breaks down.
However for some time I have considered capitalism to have a flaw that it seems to me that not many people have identified. When people are competing eventually someone wins. That winner then receives the prizes and rewards which give them an edge in the next race. To use an analogy capitalism is like putting everyone in a running race. The runners do their thing and at the end the top 3 get medals and recognition. But that's not all they get, other people see their talent and want to invest in them. They get support including expert training, better equipment and as a result a better chance at winning in the next race. In the market it's exactly the same thing. The purpose of capitalism is to get everyone to work as hard as they can and innovate as much as possible and when one group or business does so they make more money and gain more resources. They get better applicants wanting to work with them, can buy better equipment and offer better services meaning they continue to pull further ahead of the rest of the competition. It's then only natural for them to absorb some of their competitors where they can and suddenly you have less of a free market and more of an oligopoly where only a few of the best remain.
So how do you get everyone to compete in a competition where nobody wins but people still try their hardest? Any parent with a child at one of these new fangled weekend football events where they don't keep score can tell you that people don't try their hardest. Balanced situations (as we have in most Western nations today) where you try to keep markets relatively free but with government controls to protect the spirit of the competition also have frequent problems. For now there is no solution. The only one I can see would require people to genuinely start believing in doing what they can for the good of our species.
Capitalism was a genius idea. At it's core you harness people's nature to compete and excel and by allowing them to compete you ensure a high level of productivity. It encourages high levels of economic growth, satisfaction for people who work hard and reward for people who innovate.
To allow capitalism to flourish requires a free market. Unfettered by government or irrational intervention. The problem with these kinds of intervention is that they restrict capitalism and run the risk of destroying the reward of capitalism; if you innovate and work hard you might still get nothing and then people lose faith in capitalism and the whole system breaks down.
However for some time I have considered capitalism to have a flaw that it seems to me that not many people have identified. When people are competing eventually someone wins. That winner then receives the prizes and rewards which give them an edge in the next race. To use an analogy capitalism is like putting everyone in a running race. The runners do their thing and at the end the top 3 get medals and recognition. But that's not all they get, other people see their talent and want to invest in them. They get support including expert training, better equipment and as a result a better chance at winning in the next race. In the market it's exactly the same thing. The purpose of capitalism is to get everyone to work as hard as they can and innovate as much as possible and when one group or business does so they make more money and gain more resources. They get better applicants wanting to work with them, can buy better equipment and offer better services meaning they continue to pull further ahead of the rest of the competition. It's then only natural for them to absorb some of their competitors where they can and suddenly you have less of a free market and more of an oligopoly where only a few of the best remain.
So how do you get everyone to compete in a competition where nobody wins but people still try their hardest? Any parent with a child at one of these new fangled weekend football events where they don't keep score can tell you that people don't try their hardest. Balanced situations (as we have in most Western nations today) where you try to keep markets relatively free but with government controls to protect the spirit of the competition also have frequent problems. For now there is no solution. The only one I can see would require people to genuinely start believing in doing what they can for the good of our species.
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